Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Love

is all bout love.....boring....
love....does not exist in my world......
but i don like someone betray their lover.....
i don like someone fall in love with someone but his/her heart still got somebody....
this is somekind of like bullshit love.....
is you want to keep like this you better don......
more better you just let it go and go the way you wanna go.....
if you keep like this......
don think this will last longer....
NEVER AND NEVER!!!!
sometime when this kind of problem coming.....just ask your heart....
feel your heart....
go touch your heart....
ask back your heart wat is the asnwer tat appear in the first sense....
human will cover all the answer when their receive from their heart in the first sense....
use their own way.....and the most faster way to cover al of that.....
just like me......
i ask my friend tat shall i continue my way?
she said im a nice and kind boy tat will find a guy girl......
and treat your girl in a very gud way.....
i feel so happy......i will get myself a girl friends.....
but after i ask back my heart.....
is it really tat i will get a girl friend and start a happy life with them?
or just maybe i want show tat i have a girl friend?
or maybe i want to show tat im normal?
or............
i just want to be friend back with him so i go after a girl?
tats my answer from my heart.....
yes......this is the first answer in my heart....
i want to friend back with him.....so i want to try this.....
but.......i cant do this....
i din manage to do wat i was thinking......
start from that day that i tell him all the thing....
start from the day he scare about me.....
start from the day he avoid me....
i am in a down....sad......suicide mood....
i cant even forget wat i did to him.....
i cant even forgive myself tat i using a honest way to make more closer to him.....
this thing stuck in my heart already for one month.......
keep running around my heart.......
like a rolling blade.....
tat day he left.....i was looking for him....
but i fail.....but when i sightly looking back....
i saw him at the toilet entrance.....hiding there.....
i saw.....but i din go back......i know tat he will going in and don come out until i left....
after tat....the day he last......
i also never had a chance to said im sorry to him........
is it show tat....this is the end of the friendship between me and him?
the thing stuck in my heart is not love......
is just a simple word......
Friends.........
i hate myself for giving him a honest answer.....
i hate myself why i will feel a crush with him.....
i hate myself tat i din manage to said im sorry to him.....
i hate myself to giving him a nightmare in his whole life.......
i hate myself and don even want to forgive myself.......
i hate........

Saturday, September 19, 2009

another day has come........

i have to use some music to let me have a feel to write blog.......
yiruma will the best selection.....coz.....
im not happy.....
today i talk to myself.....tat....
i don care anything at all.....
he want to listen or don want to listen is not my problem already.....
but when i saw him.....
he run like when mouse saw a cat......
but i keep telling myself i don care for tat.....
u want to listen wat im said or don want.....
i don care bout it.....
u have your right way tat don listen to me....
im very angry......
but.......when im thinking.....
when im start thinking tat how.....
how we become like this......
i feel so sad and like a guilty people......
is all because of me....now he escape from me...
because of me he don afraid of me.....
today i tell myself tat i will go and talk to him.....
but i din do tat......
i keep said tat he is nothing but just a coward......
he don like to face wat he are facing now....
he choose run away from it...
he...........
afraid......scare......of me......
when i ask myself why......
ask my heart why.......
the answer already very clear.....
but i try not to accept tat......
i don like to become like this......
friends is all my life......my precious thing in my life....
i don like my friends gone so suddenly......
i hate this.....
why he still cant understand.......
the way he did everytime he saw me.....
im feel like a guilty people.......
i tell myself tat i will find a girlfriends.....
for wat........
for love?
for fun?
or maybe.......
i just want someone know tat im a normal guy.......?
this is the answer tat come out from heart.....
i don like this answer but i.......
have to face it.....
keep like this....
the wound in the heart will keep deeper and deeper....
i try to said......
everytime i tell myself i try to said.....
today i tell myself i will said something with him......
but.......
i din do tat.......
i just realize......im the one who is nothing but just a........
coward........
i just try to said..........
can we be friend again...........?
Ken...........im sorry......................

Sunday, September 13, 2009

X

今天我很勇敢。。。
我看到他。。。但他却逃避我。。。
当我追前去时。。。他却越跑越远。。。
当我开口说:“听我解释好吗?”
他却说:“我去厕所洗手。。。”
但他却越跑越远。。。
当我在厕所等他的时候。。。我的手在紧抓着开酒器。。。
因为我的手不停地在颤抖着。。。
当他出来的时候。。。他却又在给我另一个借口。。。
到最后我也没有说到我想说的话。。。
他却一走了之。。。
当我出去四处找他的时候。。。
他正坐在椅子上不知在等什么。。。
当我上前正准备要跟他解释的时候。。。
他又在逃避了。。。
我没放弃。。。我追前去。。。。
但他就是不肯停下来给我解释。。。
我就这样停下了我的脚步。。。
我无法再做任何的事情。。。
他。。。完全不给时间我解释。。。
他。。。完完全全地在逃避着我。。。
我只是想跟他说清楚。。。
我不想再这么的难受了。。。
我也不想他再逃避了。。。
让一个朋友讨厌的那种感觉很难受。。。
难受得死去活来。。。
我无法原谅自己。。。
但我不会放弃。。。
机会不是没有。。。
我一定会跟他解释清楚。。。
然而。。。我在我的手上割了一个“X”。。。
已便改天我看到。。。
我会记得我犯下了什么错误。。。
我真的不想失去任何一个朋友。。。
这句话是对的。。。
“说错话了。。。友情不可能了。。。”
还有。。。我从中学到了一样东西。。。
如果你想跟某某人做朋友。。。
有些东西该隐瞒的就瞒着,不要让他人知道。。。
一旦知道了。。。
好则还有朋友做。。。
坏则。。。你就会变成他的敌人。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

Thursday, September 10, 2009

我醉了。。。

我醉了。。。。
我醉到一塌糊涂。。。。
我醉到乱七八糟。。。。
我再已无法做一个清醒的人了。。。。
到底是什么东西搞的我如此的不清醒。。。。
到底是为了什么。。。。
我已不知道我的去向了。。。。
我已迷失我的去向了。。。。
我已无法像往常般回到那条我该回去的道路了。。。。
那个路灯。。。。
我不小心给弄坏了。。。。
那条道路。。。。
明明还有很长的路还没走。。。。
明明还有很多很好的东西在前面等着我去看。。。。
但为什么那时的我会那么不小心的把它给弄坏了。。。。
当时的我很混乱。。。。
不知该怎么做。。。。
我试着去修补它。。。。
我以为修补过后会和以往的一样。。。。
当我还以为它可以照亮前面的道路给我的时候。。。。
但。。。。
它却变得更加弱。。。。
它也无法像以往般的明亮。。。。
它也无法像以往般的照耀着我。。。。
让我进入那条道路。。。。
当我远离它去找办法来修补它的时候。。。。
它却亮了起来。。。。
但当我回头看的时候。。。。
它却又再暗淡无光了。。。。
我。。。。
只能在原地站着。。。。
无法前进也不敢后退。。。。
我想哭。。。。
可是。。。。
我的眼眶不允许我只样做。。。。
难道你就不能给我多一次的机会来照亮着我吗。。。。
当回想起来。。。。
都怪当初自己为什么把你给弄坏了。。。。

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

the rose.....

a week had already pass away.....
i still din manage to make a phone call to him....
coz the answer will always be the same.....
i tell myself tat.....i will never give up..
i will never give up.....until i found out tat....
it is already end up a long time ago.....
but why i feel like i don care all bout this already....?
maybe the time wash away all the sad thing inside my heart?
maybe i just want........just want to let it go?
or maybe......i know a new friend?
so i just start ti give up?
but when i wake up from tat.....
i keep telling myself cant give up yet....
i still have time.....i still have to......
have to.........make it.....
although i know it is hard......
i don know why i don have any idea.....
tat can blog my day......
i try to....but my hand will keep blog about tat.......

Monday, September 7, 2009

paiseh leh......

just now i saw back my previous blog.....tat i blog two years ago....
paiseh leh........many wrong sentences.....many wrong word....
but.....one thing is gud...
im happy with it.....
a new day has come.....
a old day should pass away.....
saw back my blog is very fun.....all the nonsense thing pop up in my mind....
hahahaa.....funny.....one more thing.......
i just realize my english got improve a bit already....hahaha
and one more....
i miss my friend....i hope i can always around them.....
some i already lost contact with them......but is still posibble to find them though other ppl...
life is like this.........
u have to keep it up....
don fall....don stop....
don panic.....don cry.....
this word is for you ar wai......
keep your way and don let ppl change your way....
friends can change your life but not change your way....
friends are the pill tat can boots your energy...
their can give you opinion....but their cant change wat you think....
but pls remember tat.....friends is your energy.....
pls forgive someone tat make you mad and pls make sure you promise yourself....
just like the movie....up..
CROSS YOUR HEART!!!!!
deal........friends is here to help you and you have to take care of them......
don forget wat you said......
u will saw this....then u will remember wat you did....and...
im here to talk to you....my future me.......gambateh....
akiramenai yo......yakusoku......i will post somemore on other day.....

is a bad mood week.......sigh*......

somehow.....i try my best to give it all i have.....
but he don want to forgive me and give me a chance to become his friend again......wat can i do?
haizzz.......i really don like to lost any friend in my life......
i don want he keep misunderstanding.....
i just want to be friend back.....
i got ask my friend....both of them....
is girl....my best friend also.....
their said just let the time pass.....only time can cure...
he don want to pick up my phone call.....
he don want see my message...
he........he afraid of me......
wat can i do if next time i saw him?
wat action shall i take when someday we meet at outside?
wat.......wat time just i can tell him tat.....
im sry............
he din give me any time to explain wat i want to tell him....
i just want to said.....
i don want it to become to be like this.....
i just want to become a friend in your life.....
it come from the bottom of my heart.....
im sorry.....can we be friend again?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

for Ken......hope you see this before you resign.......

since last time i send you a message tat inside has this word....
"i want to give it a try....."
"i want to give it a shoot......"
"if (acceptable) fine....."
"we continue as wat we are as friend...."
"but if fail...."
"we will become enemy......"
after all....i din manage to said wat i want to said.....
im not a men but just a coward tat only know protect myself.....
im not a men but just a person tat if i think i want it tat way....
then the thing must be on my hand....
im so selfish.....
i want you always ask something about me.........
i want you always talk to me and sms me no matter wat situation it is.....
but i.......
i........
i din manage to tell wat i want to tell you....
i din manage to said i want to see you everyday...
i din manage to get you.........by myself.....
i............
i don want to destroy your life.....
you....
is a gud guy.....
you....
got alot of future waiting for you.....
but when i think bout you......
my mind just cant stop reload the picture of you......
my friend said this is just a crush tat will end up just a while ......
but why this thing keep in my mind for a long time......
i din manage to..........forget......
i don want to lost you....
i hope you understand......
i hope we still can be friend......
at this moment i wish i could cry....but i...
din do tat.........
sry ken.......
sry ken.............