A

Was really don't know what im doing right now...

Was it really a pure love...or really just a critical crush...

it has been one and half month...

ive been trying so hard to forget everything in this two month...

everything seems so right after the first month...

im happy...im working...im marathon-ing...im volleyball-ing...

but why...but why when i saw him i still cant forget him...

his smile...his joke...his words....his action...his anger...

the most unforgettable thing is...he so sweet and nice...

i recall every moment that we been together...

is an extremely short time that we been together...

but is just the way too sweet for me...

he is really are the perfect one for me...

he is the one who make me so happy when i can date with the right guy...

he is the one who i can really give my heart away....

he is the one who make me feel like so protected...

he is also....the only one....i cry for....

i never cry for anyone...anyone except those who treat me good and nice...

"we barely know each other"

this is the word that come out from his heart...

i agree what he said....i agree...although my heart was not...

he told me to move on...he told me to take time and recover...

time....recover...

do you think a broken heart can really use the time as a thing that can recover the crack?

no....

do you think a broken heart can use other love to cover the crack?

no...

DO YOU THINK A BROKEN HEART!!!CAN RECOVER SO EASILY??!!

NO!YOU TOTALLY WRONG!!

.......u been hurt me once....this pain...i remember...

but im not hate you at all...im not....

i know...as long as u are still alive....i still have a small chance to be with you again....

although the chance is less than 1 percent....

but now....

everything change...

you choose someone that...is more good than me...

more nice...more good...more...perfect than me....

when i was in the game...im keep searching you....

searching for your shadow...but....

what i get is....u already have it...the one that really can suit u well...

you right...my friends...

i shouldnt appear in court so early...

"time can recover everything..."

i dont give a damn on what time can recover everything...

i believe in escape the truth..the reality...will be more effective than time...

but i didnt....i was facing the reality now...

my heart is pain....

my heart is bleeding....

where are you...why when i need you to be my side...

Let me cry on your shoulder...

Let me hug you and talk to you....

Let me play ur ear and look at your eyes...

Let me just sleep beside you...

Just let me..........................................going back to the time that we been together.....can i....?

i had enough of lonely....

you are really the one who light me up....guild my way to a pure love....

i was....................................trying to cry for sometime....

but....i cant...........................................................................................................................i want to cry....

New

Since last time i post something on facebook said...i like him...no matter what i wont change.you can go on ahead to be friend with me still...or you want anti me also can..i wont bother...i am who i am still.

I was very happy when i receive some comment from my friends...although is just 3...but it make me so happy...one of my dear said no matter how it is i will still be your best friends Love ya!!one said very good!be the one who u are and not fear about anything! the last one i forget what she said already...

It was few week ago...since i post the last post....i was getting well and well...

Just last week i when to the meet up for volleyball i saw him...before i saw him i was inside the changing room...while im changing my Iphone was accidentally drop on floor and crack!

But when i look at it i didnt feel any sadness...what im thinking that time is...o...crack already...go and change the screen should be fine...

but when i finish changing...i walk inside the court i saw him...I dont know why my mood suddenly get bad...and when i look at him i feel like i wanna cry...

I never talk to him that day...although got chance i also don want talk to him...

I try to avoid him...i dont know why...i scare when i talk to him again i will cry again....

It was so scary....i try to avoid to play court with him...digging with him...just everything...i try not to do and said anything to him.

But he still that sweet and nice for me...his smile...his eyes....everything is so nice...but is no longer for me...

After the game...im on my way home...suddenly i receive a message from him...he said am i ok?im look so angry.I look at the message and thinking...why dont u ask when im still at the court...

You dont even treat me as a friends do u?u dont even want to open ur mouth to talk to me....after few message...it ends up like the same as before...he never reply my message...this is the part i hate the most....why dont u just try to said something to end up the conversation?

After that i told one of my friend that know everything about me and him,...he was telling me that...he already move on so do u....try looking for another relationship...or maybe just stop think about those thing.he already said he don want to accept another relationship yet so just deal with that.

Yes...since that day i told my friends how im feel...i was more better than 3 weeks ago...

Yet...im already start a new relationship....i think im kindda happy with him now...although it just few day only...but im fine with it.

I try not to think to much to let myself worry.i know i can do better than before....as long as he think im ok to have a relationship....hehe

Heart

Everytime...i try to forget him...but is kinda hard...is not that i dont want to forget...it was just hard to forget... Everytime i finish my thing,on my work,after my game...i hope my phone will have a message that is from him...how was the game...did u take your lunch...have you sleep well...sleep early tomorrow u work morning... But those thing will never come true again...and there got no chance to happen again...after the night...everything change...he seal all his emotion...he dont want to open the door again...he was afraid... I cant find anymore happyness on him...the smile on his face is the most sweet things i want to look for it...but is gone...the feeling of relax and comfortable after he bath...is still make me so comfortable...but is gone...the ear and the hair that i playing while i lay on him...is so soft...but is all gone from now... I try to tell myself to go and accept the truth...yes...i did...but cant last longer...today i might forget...but tomorrow i will remember again... ive been talking to him...he said he is fine..he worry about me...but what he said...he make me more worry about him...i was the one...that make him feel so sad,down and depress again...i know that...although he said he already said what is inside his mind...but i didnt feel any of it...he still inside his closet...lock it up...he said he just tired... maybe im too lousy,irritated...im want to look for him often...but i cant do anything already...a lot of people tell me that time will recover everything...but it will take a long time... ive been telling him that...if u want to know each other more...u have to tell me was is inside you mind...i do give it a try to change...i am who i am...i change bcoz of u but i am who i am still...why i said i change...because i want you to know...you are the one who i love with now...i do changers because of you...no one else can have the chance but is only you... im telling myself...you are still on my list...the number one that on my list...i wont change anything until i know that it was really no chance to have u anymore...then i give up... the way that u wake back home after u send me...is was far from ur home...i cant believe that everytime u look for me u need to walk a far distance with a leg that injure....i really dont know until i go and try now... i really hope that u are still in love with me...but this is what hope now...ive been somewhere to play...but...my heart juat cant accept anymore people except you...it was still hard for me...to forget you... Friends...is what we can use now...are you feeling sad now?are you cold now?are you hungry now?are you okay now?i hope i really can be there for you now...but i cant even do that now... you been said before...if you dont like a person...u will need sometime to talk to him again...it might take a week,a month,or maybe a year... what i really hope now is you are getting well...cheer up again...smile again.........talk to me again....i really cant forget the moment that u do a poker face to me...it was so funny...u are really stupid....the most stupid guy....i ever fall in love before... i will be waiting...the day u message me again...although is simple...but thats enough for me...is more than enough than anyone else.... i was in the place that we use to meet the first time...you will telling me why not finish the food...why....because...i was too nervous while im beside you...thats why i cant even finish a single thing that i use to eat everyday....i didnt tell you that on the first day...because i already does fall in love...with you...is not a crush...it was true.... okay...ill be fine after this...im having a break now...

Work

ok....it seems like is only someone will know what im talking in this post...so...try to get it ok.

I resign becoz of something that happen will that thing is already cannot be save...

And i joining back now to that place....

Is really a good place to work and it becoz i going C to work i know a lot people...

I know how the bread and pastry work,the chocolate,the cake,the drink.

The most important still is Friends!

is really happy while im start working at there since april...

it has been 6 month ago....

everything change so fast and goes so fast.....

after i know them...their are like gone one by one...

it becoz of the working shift,but not the friends over there....

im still ok coz we still can have a meet once a while but...

since He come....everything get change more than before....

He try to bring his own concept and working style to C....

But somehow i don really think is a good idea to do that but no one can really stop or give advice to him it becoz He is the OM....

No choice but just have to accept what was really happen now....

no matter what thing he do,what thing he said,anything he try to explain...

for other people their might think good or bad...

but for me is TOTALLY SUCKS YARK AND BULLSHIT!

He just like an assassin that like to play back stab....

Somehow the GOD is quite like the way he work so we are like really got no idea what to said so just let it be....

Last few day...P has left C....it might be good for the staff.....coz the way he treat the staff is really bad....but becoz of him just for this C....

My Cater M ....has just transfer to some where else....he no more longer Event M....

im kindda upset about this....no more event for me and my partner.....the great partner for Catering.....

everything is changing.....i don even know how long im going to survive at here...

some of my friends said why i care so much u are nothing but just a staff...

but their really don know how im feel about it....

i don like it becoz just a people then the whole world is changing.....WITHOUT ANY REASON!

you can said im too much of gossip about those thing that really not that necessary to worry bout.

but i just cant stand here waiting.....it make me more hard to work....

Im waiting for an answer...can i really turn back the time......

U can take my body away....but you cant take my soul away....

no matter what i wont become a part of ur crew.....

thats no way i will follow u and work with u...

i get in touch with a lot of M but u are really the most suck in this....

THX YOU!

My Unknown Friend

I remember when i was still a kids...my friends always buy those weekly magazine for comic.

And at the back of those magazine always have those people who left they contact number and a small message said " wanna know me?please message this number i will chat with you" "i just want to know more friends.please contact me or message me.."

This kind of message...and that time is i just get my first phone that i can use to call and message.

Im kidda happy.Then suddenly i saw one notes but i already forget what was that and i message "him" right away...

"He"quite funny,but what i can remember is just a small part of it...i cant even remember all of them.

it has been few year ago already....no choice...

After few day i message "him", i found out that it was a very good friends to chat with...

Then i don know what question i ask him...then he message me..."you think im a boy?"

That time when i receive a message like that i was...SHOCK...

I was wordless....but after i know this girl....we chat a lot more than before.

She is gorgeous and she had a boyfriends which is the face kidda old and slim,but she introduce him to me.

Not bad right this girl.Her name Zhong Bei

She are the first and last friends that i can know through phone without saw each other for the half year.
And i keep message her when i was too free...

She will call me xiao gui and i will call her aunty...Coz she just one or two years old older than me.

Is really fun that time...no matter small thing or big thing she will also tell me about it.

Like last time she break up with her BF she make me nervous about this...

But after all they be together again....and now she at KL for study....

She from sarawak...but it seems like now although i message her but i didnt receive anything form her...

i wonder what was happen to her...but her bf tell me that she doing great...

but also never get back to me when i tell him to call her message me....

kidda sad....

But is fine...i know she will message me some other day...just wait...

I wont give up on who i meet and be friends with them.

Gods & Demons

Actually how well do you know about Gods & Demons?

Ok...i believe that quite a lot of people believe Gods is stand at the good side,and Demon will stand at the other side which means is bad or evil side right?

Last year,two of my volleyball friends try to open my mind and give me all the knowledge of the Jesus which means part of the Gods.

But it seems like im not very interest on this so after two month i give up,of coz one of the person already sense that im not really interest on it.

Got one day...is before she realize im not interest.She ask some question but i forget what it is....

What i know is...she keep said Demon is a very bad thing that come and disturb and ruins everything,eat heart,drag people to their trap and give bad luck to all the people.

But...the answer i give her is...i dont think Demon is evil.She so shock when i said this...she just answer me back and said you really have no idea that what Demon doing is all the wrong thing!

What im thinking is like...is really that bad?

You see...is not that i dont believe in Gods,but Demon also doing their things.

If Gods are the creator...then must have someone to go and destroy.

Of coz the destroy part goes to Demon,then the world can just get balance nicely!

Gods is doing their own thing which is like give life,bless people,create some sort of like that...

Demons is doing their job too,like destroy,give virus,curse some sort like that...

So their are doing their own job as well...

If the Demon play the part of the Gods...then what Gods going to do?

What im thinking is like....you can said it bullshit,you can said im the son of Demon...

But what im said is true...you never meet them you never know...

Demon might be the who do the judgement to those guilty people.

So...If really one day i got a chance to meet both of them...

I really want to find it out.

The truth of Gods & Demons.

Brokeback Moutain

It was a very nice movie.

the first time i watch is around 15 years old i think.

then i keep looking for this movie since last time i just borrow from my friends sis.

Bet someone never heard of this,but please....it is great.

although not everyone will go and watch a love story between two boy,but...

i think there goes no problem with this.

"Love is a Force of Nature"

It was true that you cant stop when you meet someone you love in your life.

no matter who he/she is.

You found the feeling,you get into it,you got it.

im so proud of them,Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar which are inside this story.

The best part is when their saw each other their hugs,kiss.

Of cause the ending sad.

Jack Twist get kill by three person.

When Ennis go his house to drop a blessing,he found out that a shirt that he throw to the brokeback moutain was just a side of Jack Twist wardrobe.

A jacket Of Jack Twist cover the shirt of Ennis,which means he will protect him always and always...

In the end of the story,Ennis turn back the shirt,which means Ennis shirt is outside to protect the jacket from Jack.

And he said " Jack...I swear......"

This the point of sadness...

A best movie should go and watch it...