Heart

Everytime...i try to forget him...but is kinda hard...is not that i dont want to forget...it was just hard to forget... Everytime i finish my thing,on my work,after my game...i hope my phone will have a message that is from him...how was the game...did u take your lunch...have you sleep well...sleep early tomorrow u work morning... But those thing will never come true again...and there got no chance to happen again...after the night...everything change...he seal all his emotion...he dont want to open the door again...he was afraid... I cant find anymore happyness on him...the smile on his face is the most sweet things i want to look for it...but is gone...the feeling of relax and comfortable after he bath...is still make me so comfortable...but is gone...the ear and the hair that i playing while i lay on him...is so soft...but is all gone from now... I try to tell myself to go and accept the truth...yes...i did...but cant last longer...today i might forget...but tomorrow i will remember again... ive been talking to him...he said he is fine..he worry about me...but what he said...he make me more worry about him...i was the one...that make him feel so sad,down and depress again...i know that...although he said he already said what is inside his mind...but i didnt feel any of it...he still inside his closet...lock it up...he said he just tired... maybe im too lousy,irritated...im want to look for him often...but i cant do anything already...a lot of people tell me that time will recover everything...but it will take a long time... ive been telling him that...if u want to know each other more...u have to tell me was is inside you mind...i do give it a try to change...i am who i am...i change bcoz of u but i am who i am still...why i said i change...because i want you to know...you are the one who i love with now...i do changers because of you...no one else can have the chance but is only you... im telling myself...you are still on my list...the number one that on my list...i wont change anything until i know that it was really no chance to have u anymore...then i give up... the way that u wake back home after u send me...is was far from ur home...i cant believe that everytime u look for me u need to walk a far distance with a leg that injure....i really dont know until i go and try now... i really hope that u are still in love with me...but this is what hope now...ive been somewhere to play...but...my heart juat cant accept anymore people except you...it was still hard for me...to forget you... Friends...is what we can use now...are you feeling sad now?are you cold now?are you hungry now?are you okay now?i hope i really can be there for you now...but i cant even do that now... you been said before...if you dont like a person...u will need sometime to talk to him again...it might take a week,a month,or maybe a year... what i really hope now is you are getting well...cheer up again...smile again.........talk to me again....i really cant forget the moment that u do a poker face to me...it was so funny...u are really stupid....the most stupid guy....i ever fall in love before... i will be waiting...the day u message me again...although is simple...but thats enough for me...is more than enough than anyone else.... i was in the place that we use to meet the first time...you will telling me why not finish the food...why....because...i was too nervous while im beside you...thats why i cant even finish a single thing that i use to eat everyday....i didnt tell you that on the first day...because i already does fall in love...with you...is not a crush...it was true.... okay...ill be fine after this...im having a break now...

Work

ok....it seems like is only someone will know what im talking in this post...so...try to get it ok.

I resign becoz of something that happen will that thing is already cannot be save...

And i joining back now to that place....

Is really a good place to work and it becoz i going C to work i know a lot people...

I know how the bread and pastry work,the chocolate,the cake,the drink.

The most important still is Friends!

is really happy while im start working at there since april...

it has been 6 month ago....

everything change so fast and goes so fast.....

after i know them...their are like gone one by one...

it becoz of the working shift,but not the friends over there....

im still ok coz we still can have a meet once a while but...

since He come....everything get change more than before....

He try to bring his own concept and working style to C....

But somehow i don really think is a good idea to do that but no one can really stop or give advice to him it becoz He is the OM....

No choice but just have to accept what was really happen now....

no matter what thing he do,what thing he said,anything he try to explain...

for other people their might think good or bad...

but for me is TOTALLY SUCKS YARK AND BULLSHIT!

He just like an assassin that like to play back stab....

Somehow the GOD is quite like the way he work so we are like really got no idea what to said so just let it be....

Last few day...P has left C....it might be good for the staff.....coz the way he treat the staff is really bad....but becoz of him just for this C....

My Cater M ....has just transfer to some where else....he no more longer Event M....

im kindda upset about this....no more event for me and my partner.....the great partner for Catering.....

everything is changing.....i don even know how long im going to survive at here...

some of my friends said why i care so much u are nothing but just a staff...

but their really don know how im feel about it....

i don like it becoz just a people then the whole world is changing.....WITHOUT ANY REASON!

you can said im too much of gossip about those thing that really not that necessary to worry bout.

but i just cant stand here waiting.....it make me more hard to work....

Im waiting for an answer...can i really turn back the time......

U can take my body away....but you cant take my soul away....

no matter what i wont become a part of ur crew.....

thats no way i will follow u and work with u...

i get in touch with a lot of M but u are really the most suck in this....

THX YOU!

My Unknown Friend

I remember when i was still a kids...my friends always buy those weekly magazine for comic.

And at the back of those magazine always have those people who left they contact number and a small message said " wanna know me?please message this number i will chat with you" "i just want to know more friends.please contact me or message me.."

This kind of message...and that time is i just get my first phone that i can use to call and message.

Im kidda happy.Then suddenly i saw one notes but i already forget what was that and i message "him" right away...

"He"quite funny,but what i can remember is just a small part of it...i cant even remember all of them.

it has been few year ago already....no choice...

After few day i message "him", i found out that it was a very good friends to chat with...

Then i don know what question i ask him...then he message me..."you think im a boy?"

That time when i receive a message like that i was...SHOCK...

I was wordless....but after i know this girl....we chat a lot more than before.

She is gorgeous and she had a boyfriends which is the face kidda old and slim,but she introduce him to me.

Not bad right this girl.Her name Zhong Bei

She are the first and last friends that i can know through phone without saw each other for the half year.
And i keep message her when i was too free...

She will call me xiao gui and i will call her aunty...Coz she just one or two years old older than me.

Is really fun that time...no matter small thing or big thing she will also tell me about it.

Like last time she break up with her BF she make me nervous about this...

But after all they be together again....and now she at KL for study....

She from sarawak...but it seems like now although i message her but i didnt receive anything form her...

i wonder what was happen to her...but her bf tell me that she doing great...

but also never get back to me when i tell him to call her message me....

kidda sad....

But is fine...i know she will message me some other day...just wait...

I wont give up on who i meet and be friends with them.

Gods & Demons

Actually how well do you know about Gods & Demons?

Ok...i believe that quite a lot of people believe Gods is stand at the good side,and Demon will stand at the other side which means is bad or evil side right?

Last year,two of my volleyball friends try to open my mind and give me all the knowledge of the Jesus which means part of the Gods.

But it seems like im not very interest on this so after two month i give up,of coz one of the person already sense that im not really interest on it.

Got one day...is before she realize im not interest.She ask some question but i forget what it is....

What i know is...she keep said Demon is a very bad thing that come and disturb and ruins everything,eat heart,drag people to their trap and give bad luck to all the people.

But...the answer i give her is...i dont think Demon is evil.She so shock when i said this...she just answer me back and said you really have no idea that what Demon doing is all the wrong thing!

What im thinking is like...is really that bad?

You see...is not that i dont believe in Gods,but Demon also doing their things.

If Gods are the creator...then must have someone to go and destroy.

Of coz the destroy part goes to Demon,then the world can just get balance nicely!

Gods is doing their own thing which is like give life,bless people,create some sort of like that...

Demons is doing their job too,like destroy,give virus,curse some sort like that...

So their are doing their own job as well...

If the Demon play the part of the Gods...then what Gods going to do?

What im thinking is like....you can said it bullshit,you can said im the son of Demon...

But what im said is true...you never meet them you never know...

Demon might be the who do the judgement to those guilty people.

So...If really one day i got a chance to meet both of them...

I really want to find it out.

The truth of Gods & Demons.

Brokeback Moutain

It was a very nice movie.

the first time i watch is around 15 years old i think.

then i keep looking for this movie since last time i just borrow from my friends sis.

Bet someone never heard of this,but please....it is great.

although not everyone will go and watch a love story between two boy,but...

i think there goes no problem with this.

"Love is a Force of Nature"

It was true that you cant stop when you meet someone you love in your life.

no matter who he/she is.

You found the feeling,you get into it,you got it.

im so proud of them,Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar which are inside this story.

The best part is when their saw each other their hugs,kiss.

Of cause the ending sad.

Jack Twist get kill by three person.

When Ennis go his house to drop a blessing,he found out that a shirt that he throw to the brokeback moutain was just a side of Jack Twist wardrobe.

A jacket Of Jack Twist cover the shirt of Ennis,which means he will protect him always and always...

In the end of the story,Ennis turn back the shirt,which means Ennis shirt is outside to protect the jacket from Jack.

And he said " Jack...I swear......"

This the point of sadness...

A best movie should go and watch it...

Love

im hunger for love...but im not capapble for love.

this is the word that come out from one of my friends.

maybe yes,is true that someone in this world is just like that.

but somehow some will just think that you just havent meet your love yet.

but what if we already do?

so thats why we said like that?

to be honest...yes i did my first love in here.

for 18 years i never been fall in love before.

but this 19s is a bit different.

in previous blog i got mention about my first love.

but is just maintain for two months.

but this love is so lovely.

it feel warm,smooth,nice.

somehow,something that we just cant control.

things can be happen so suddenly.

just one of my friends chat with me said her BF going to go dubai soon coz the exam didnt pass this time again.

what she told me is...if he going to be there,i will follow him to there and work as well,no matter how hard it is,coz i got my way to survive.

ok,i admit that this is a very great love~~BUT

what im thinking was like miss~~i rather you stay where you are now more than follow him to go,it goes nice and smooth in first month,but it will get worst and worst in the following month.

one thing that cant maintain it like when its new and fresh for forever~

is true that someone said,a long distance love will be more great than see each other everyday.

of coz this kind of thing doesnt work on both of my sister.

anyway,i said just do your own decision,i cant bother anything.

because this is none of my business,i can give suggestion and opinion of mine,but the decision is still on yourself~

i really hate when someone told me how lovely him/hers with his/her,just get out of my way pls~~im not a goddess of love~~

it just a stupid love for me~~

but when you get into it....i can said omg.im sucks~

Tear

Remember that i was watching "King Kong" with both of my sis and my mom,and when the movie come to the ending part,is kindda sad somehow...then when i turn around my head...the eyes of my sis is rolling with tears.Of cause the first reaction for me is like "What are you crying for?!" then...i get busted.My sis is just using the missing aurora art name "Deadly Eyesight" to first blood me.Im dead and silence.

Got another time is the farewell party for one of my colleague that now don know at which part of Europe or Hong Kong or somewhere around this world.The farewell party is not at fine dinning restaurant so is not high class enough,so we going a food court name "Newton" to do the farewell.

Actually everything goes very smooth until i thought it wont have any "Bad Ending" when the party come to the end....But who know that a hug from her to him...bring out a crying scene that those movie or drama always have....she start the tear...follow by him...then both of them...

Arhhhh....what a good scene that i dont like it most and of cause i walk away.But dont know why end up im taking a same cab with him.In the cab,he keep sob until theres no more napkin on his hand to wipe out all the tear on his face...

But at the time im still having a cold-war with him which i should make an apologize to him but i didnt make it,and when i reach home i should give him a hug but i also didnt make it as well....im busted again.So...it ends up like this.But of cause we are still friends now cause i got said sorry after he take apart to Hong Kong for study.

Is it too late?Dont know....I know....i know....you can said im a cold blood animal or emo-less living things but i just not that sensibility as their are....

But i just realize one thing...i cant get strike by once...because...after all im not as strong as i thought.Somehow im not as cool and chill as i am when i meet this kind of situations.Maybe is part of the heredity from my sis but not 100%,i cant stand a person that who are crying.Although how happy i am at that moment,i will get affected,and i think this problem is getting serious.

Few day ago,when i watch an anime call "Bee Letter",the main character is a small boy that if got a tiny little small sad thing he also can cry out loud until the whole face is tear(you know japanese anime always do like that).Yup...i get affected,but just a little bit sad...A LITTLE BIT ONLY.

....Alright,so finally i make clear of it.Cry doesnt means you are weak,but it was just a little part of your life that you can or might have it so suddenly,and somehow i think cry is just a part of the release.No matter what situation like sad,happy,missing someone,angry and lots,you also can cry...And please....Cry as loud as you can when you can cry...release all the unhappy thing from you...and you will get better...when cry...remember one thing is more than enough...Be strong after the cry.haha