Bastard!!

I was so damn bastard...

i fall in love with someone that i cant fall in love with...

was really suffering when i saw him...

i just don know why...

just start from last two year,everytime i saw him i will stick to him so close.

i cant said like a brother,coz we really are some bother ( relationship )

for me he was damn nice to communicate...a nice person to date with...

but so bad he got girls friends.

Was really controlling myself everytime when i meet him.

few day ago he come to my home and look for my us to have a drink...

really enjoy the moment when i go out and buy something with him....

and when we attend the same wedding dinner...just sit infront of me...

i know!! is weird....but no worry...i controlling myself...

sigh.....bless....i always like a person that i cant fall in love with....if not it going to have a big problem....like world destruction?haha.....sigh.....

A marriage...

Few days ago...i attend my cousin wedding.

It was so fun...when i saw lots of brother is celebrating with them.

What was inside my mind in that moment...

I dont even know i can have a marriage like this or not...

Is complicated...

I hope when the day that i have my own marriage...

I will invite lots of my brother and friends come my wedding dinner...

Singapore....my hometown....my friends that i know...

It is really fun...you can play with them in the wedding dinner...

Sing song,drink drunk drank~take picture,cry together...

Giving Blessing by them...Cry infront of them....

Finally become a real guy that have a family....

I just dont know why i like it lots...but so bad...i know it will never ever happen in my life...

Was really complicated....

Choosing a way that never return is pain...but was a fate...

wondering...

Actually was wondering....when can i really have a proper boyfriend.

This is a question that i keep asking myself.

If i get it so sudden will i really go and keep it for long?

My friends has been telling me that keep on dating but dont have more closer relation if it was just started.

But the problem is i dont really dare to go and date someone that i want...

What i scare for? Got no idea on that.

My friend scold me that i always think too much....

It haven start but your mind already start to think lots of junk.

Those couple that i date before or their date me before....It cant even last long for few month...

Maybe i just haven get ready on it?

Been trying to go club and looking for it but...so bad i dont dare to try...

Coz i know it is just for fun...those people inside the club wasnt treat you in true heart.

When their saw your face...only thing that pop out inside their mind is...This guy is "FUCKABLE"

Thats true.all people inside the club wasnt treat you in true...their just need some one to fuck.

But if lucky enough...you really can get one...

I like sun tanning....know why?

First i like the color...second i like myself to get more attract...coz i saw lots of boy with nice tan color.Third...i like tan guys as well...dont you feel a bit more tan will be more great?

somehow...i already done tanning for twice...but i dont think is enough for me...still a long way to go...

Was really wondering...what those boy like...and what am i inside their eyes.....